An Answered Prayer

OK, so before I tell you what it is, I have to tell you the story. I love telling stories, and sometimes I'm long winded. This is one of those times! So if you have a few minutes to spare...

Roll back 10 years ago. Bryan and I took a ministry position in Florida as houseparents. We were pregnant with our first daughter and very excited to finally step foot in ministry. What unfolded over the next year was a very difficult time for our 3 year old marriage. And when we left that ministry, a year later, our marriage was in a bad place and we were broken hearted. Ministry wasn't what it was all chalked up to be and it had about done us in! We lived with our family for a few months until we could figure out where to go and eventually landed in seminary housing with a new baby, a marriage on the rocks, me in a full time job and Bryan back in school.

Along with the emotional strain of fighting for our marriage, there was also a physical strain. I was commuting 1 1/2 hours one way to work a 12 hour shift, 3-4 days a week, then coming home, and rolling right into housewife duties. Slowly the stress began to take its toll on my body. I miscarried 2 babies in a 3 month span. Bryan was working at a restaurant making peanuts for an income. One night he said "I want you to quit your job. I've prayed about it and I think it's what's best."

So I did. Sounds crazy, yes? Most of the time God's ways don't make sense. Not only was that a huge step forward in our marriage (me trusting my husband's leadership), but it was a huge step forward in our faith.

Here's how. By being obedient to my husband's direction for us, God began to switch our roles around. Before, I was (honestly) running the show and leading our family. And Bryan was playing the submission role. Not good. What that moment did for us was pivotal. It immediately put us on the right path for our God designed places in our marriage. It also put Bryan in a place where he began to carry to full weight of providing for us. He was leading and I was his right hand woman! Slowly our marriage began healing. (This was also the time that God put me with my mentor who really began teaching me what Biblical submission looked like. This was a huge part of the healing process of our marriage.)

Bryan got another job soon after. I got pregnant again. (And again. And later, again!!!) We didn't make a whole lot of money, but we watched God provide over and over and over for all of our needs and many of our wants. Many times Bryan would be out of work on Friday and by Monday, he would have another job (he was a subcontractor). I prayed for a good, steady job with benefits. But God kept that door shut.

Then in 2009, God moved us to Texas. The home remodeling economy was dying in NC and we had to go where there was work. Bryan started his contracting business. And then began the ebb and flow of owning a business.

Friends, can I just share something with you?

The next 3 years weren't easy. Bryan's business survived on word of mouth and sometimes we would go months without work, barely making it. There were a few times where we thought we'd face homelessness. A few times where we didn't know what would happen to us. I can't tell you how many times I cried out to God "This is too painful. I don't think we can keep going on." Many times God was silent. But He always always always provided and He always always always comforted us. We were never without food, power, running water, or gas in the vehicles. We had our last baby without health insurance and somehow walked away from the hospital debt free. Many times, people gave to us: clothes, food, money. One friend treated me to a hair cut a few times. It wasn't easy accepting help. But, wow, we were so grateful for it. The reality of our lives was that we never ever knew how we would get through the next month. Bryan applied for countless jobs, went to many interviews. Sometimes it would look very promising and then would fall through. God kept saying "Hope in me." And He kept gently reminding me that whether a job ever came through, He was our provider. I wished I could say I had tons of faith. But I'd be lying.

I prayed continually for my husband to get a job (knowing that He would only give Bryan a job if it was for our best). Prayed continually. Like even at 2am, 3am. Some of you prayed too. For Christmas last year, I asked God to give him a job. "This is what I want for Christmas Lord."

...and a week ago, after many years on a difficult journey, my husband got a job.  It's a good job too and we are so thankful for it. But even more, we are beyond words thankful that God carried us through these last years of our life. Because most days, I could barely stand, much less walk. He carried us. And His grace was sufficient for us and His power was made perfect in our weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)

The chapter is closed and we have begun a new chapter - one of learning discipline in some areas we couldn't really ever be consistent (like financial planning). We are pressing onward, thanking God continually for what He has done, knowing that if Bryan ever gets injured, sick, or what not, God will take care of us. He is our hope when everything seems hopeless. And that never changes.

A Lonely Heart

This past week I was cleaning out my bedside table. I came across a journal from 12/30/2008 - 9/05/2009. I was super curious to see what I had written... (I love reading my old journals because I usually can't remember what I wrote and so it seems like I'm reading someone else's journal!). Anyway, to recap that time in my life, we had just spent our first Christmas in Texas after leaving North Carolina on, what we thought, was a short term work situation for my husband. Over those 9  months, God did some amazing things for us. We sold our home in a downed housing market in barely 4 weeks and simultaneously found a nice, reasonably priced rental home in a great neighborhood. But we were also really praying for friendships because we had just left all our wonderful NC friends and family, and we were really lonely.

6/5/2009
Bryan and I talked last night and we agreed that we feel alone - no friends. We wondered if its alot like what missionaries feel like.  I catch myself searching for something to do. I also catch myself desiring to fill the lonliness - with shopping, TV, a new hobby. I know that God fills the void - He is sufficient for all my needs. And maybe that is what He is showing us.

6/25
It has been tough - emotionally - being here. I miss Louise (my mentor) so much - miss our coffee together, being able to unload. I miss going to Sarah's (my best friend) house and just chatting. I took a walk yesterday and had to tell myself "Jesus, you are my best friend." And then I'd picture Him right next to me, walking.  And I talked to Him.

6/26
Jesus, I know you are all I need. Thank you for giving me the Holy Spirit - HELP ME communicate with you.  Even if I don't do it well, just to know that you will interpret for me. Help me be a loving momma and wife. Help me die to myself. I struggle with that so much.

6/28
...God has plummeted me to a period in my life that couldn't be more characteristic of lonliness. Lonlieness - having no friends here who challenge, inspire, rebuke, encourage. ...

What followed after was many many months of a sheer, painful valley of lonliness. I struggled to understand how something so painful like leaving everything we knew and loved, could possibly be good for us. I desperately longed for someone to relate too. And although there were a few people that God brought into our lives, it was usually just for short periods of time.

Now fast forward to January 18, 2013. I'm cleaning out the bedside table and I find the journal. I opened the notebook and quickly began to read it, excited to see what words I'd penned.  As I turned the pages I began to cry. I remembered the lonliness. BUT. That is a really big but (bahahaha). Seriously it is. Today as I write this blog I can say that all the longing for friendships has been taken care of. And not through people. Sure we have some great friends here, ones we love dearly, and who love us. But that lonliness was filled long before the friendships came. My lonliness was the thing that my Father used to draw me to Him, to find hope and peace in Him, to find refuge in Him. It made me search Him out and constantly seek His companionship. It was the driving force to my spiritual growth in Jesus. After I read through the pages I rejoiced! It was as if I was standing with Jesus on a small hill looking down into that dark valley. It was as if Jesus was saying "All that pain had a purpose! By my grace, I allowed it - because it was best for you! You and I are so much closer now because of the pain and heartache. Do you see who you were then and who you are now? Look how much more like me you've become."

I can't describe to you the joy in my heart. It was the first time He'd ever shown me the fruit of longsuffering in my own life. I felt so close to the God who saved me and who is constantly changing me and molding my sinful heart into a heart like Jesus'.

1 Peter 5:10 says "After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." NASB

When The Odds Are Against Us

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like the odds are stacked against you and it seems there's no way out?

A few weeks ago, a struggle I'd been dealing with for quite a while came to a head. I'd been trying to take my thoughts captive, trying to tell myself the truth, trying to take it to God in prayer. But despite the efforts, I was beaten down, exhausted and completely worn thin. I didn't have it in me to keep fighting, which scared the be-gee-bees out of me.

I called my mentor and began pouring out my heart struggle to her. She listened, as she always does. Then she said something that really struck me.

"Although it seems that the battle lies between you and this person, I think the battle is really between Satan and God."

In other words, it's a battle only God can fight. This confirmed why I couldn't seem to overcome the struggle, why it seemed to be following me around like a raincloud. She told me to cry out to God to fight the battle for me and to not become weary in the midst of the battle.

We hung up the phone and I began to cry out to the Lord. "God, you have to fight this battle for me. I can't do it. It's too much for me to handle." Minute by minute, Over and over, day after day, I would cry out to God, because the thoughts were relentless. I kept thinking, 'don't grow weary, Jamie'. So I would keep crying out to God.

A week later I realized that I had made it through a day with hardly a struggle! I started looking back through my days and I noticed that with each day, the battle seemed to grow smaller. But I knew it wasn't over and I guarded against the prideful notion that I had become victorious in this fight.

So this morning the Lord brought me to 2 Kings 19. As a recap, King Hezekiah, the king of Judah and a God-fearing man, was facing the big bully king of Assyria. Assyria was a powerhouse nation and could defeat and overtake practically any kingdom. And the evil king had set his eyes on Judah. So Hezekiah began crying out to the Lord, acknowledging that he knew God could do anything and that only He could protect and save Judah. In verse 19 Hezekiah says "Now, Lord our God, please save us from his hand so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You are the Lord God--You  alone." (HCSB) Hezekiah was crying out to God to fight a battle Judah was incapable of fighting.

In verse 35, the Bible says 'That night the angel of the Lord went out and struck down 185,000 in the camp of the Assyrians. When the people got up the next morning - there were all the dead bodies!'

God delivered Judah from the hands of the Assyrians without the people of Judah ever going into battle! And wow did He get all the glory!!!!

So here's a checklist. If you check YES to all of these, then friend, you might have a battle on your hands that only God can fight for you.
1. Do you have something you are struggling with?
2. Have you tried to take your thoughts captive and replace them with Biblical Truth?
3. Have you practiced telling yourself the Truth of God's Word?
4. Have you prayed about it, being completely honest with God?
5. After all these efforts, does your struggle seemed to have stayed the same or intensified?

Cry out to God to fight the battle for you. Don't grow weary or loose heart. And when it seems like your cries aren't making a difference, KNOW that they are, more than we will ever know. God is your Mighty Warrior and He hears all your cries!

A Moment With God

Bryan and I have endured what I would call a 10 year valley. It's pointless to describe the details of the valley. It's a valley. And although it's had its peaks, much of the time has been spent in the trenches. We have learned a whole lot in this valley. I can't even begin to tell you how God has provided each and every tool we would need to navigate. (That's how Tuesday tool began - I started writing down the raw Truths of God's Word so that I would never forget them and continue to use them.)

Anyway, about 9 months ago God took us deep into the valley, pushing us past what we thought we were capable of handling. We were in survival mode. Still are. And I have wrestled with God over and over because He continues to NOT answer our prayers the way we think they should be answered! I know how ridiculous this sounds, but it's the way I was seeing things to be very honest with you.

See, up to last night, I had been requesting for God to change our very painful circumstances. I'm tired and weary and I want to be able to breathe without pain. And my hearts cry was "How could this long suffering be beneficial to me at this point Lord? I'm barely functioning and it's affecting everyone around me!" I was praying for external changes.

Last night I was sitting in our church, listening to the pastor preach. My heart was heavy and I was about to burst out in tears. So I quietly slipped out and found a spot where I could pray without interruptions. I spent the next 45 minutes pouring out my brokeness to God (which is gold for a mother with 4 kids!). As tears spilled out of my eyes onto the pages of my Bible, I began to notice something. All those verses that I claimed in my trials, I didn't really know how they applied to me." Like, what in the world does "He will cover you with His feathers; you will take refuge under His wings" mean? (Ps. 91:4) Is God a big gigantic bird and I'm to somehow find a metaphorical spot under His wings for safety? I'm kinda joking here, but in my false sense of spirituality, I would pray this verse, but had no idea how God meant it to be applied.

I began to pray, "God, I have no idea what these verses mean. If you are going to keep me in this trial, then teach me who you are in my trials. Because I don't really know. Show me how you can comfort me. Because I need it. Help me really get/feel/understand what it means to hide in the shelter of your wings. Because I need a protective place right now and I don't feel like I have one. How do you redeem my life from the Pit? (Ps. 103)  Show me what that is really supposed to mean.

In that moment God spoke to my heart. "Now you are praying for my will, child."

This was a game changer for me! It hadn't occured to me to push into God in a way that showed me who/what He could be in my trial. I had been praying for my outside circumstances to change so that I would have comfort and rest. But God showed me that to find the comfort and rest that I was hoping for, I needed to be praying for God to reveal His character in a greater way. This is probably a given for most of you. You're probably thinking "Gosh Jamie, been there, done that." I am a dumb sheep, a daughter of Eve. You can say it.

Many of you who read this blogpost have been praying for us. So I wanted to share with you this great thing that God is teaching me. Thank you for all your faithful prayers. Please continue to pray for us...

Love,
Jamie

Storm Stories

I am not a big fan of flying. I don't really know why... all my flying experiences have been good ones. I guess it's just the idea of being in a small space, high up in the air, and zero control over what actually happens to the aircraft! So yesterday evening I flew in an airplane and as always, I spent a good portion of the air time praying. Isn't it so good that we have a Heavenly Father who we can talk to anytime? Most of the flight was turbulent because we were flying through some severe thunderstorms. The lightening was magnificent. Flying parallel to the storm made the amazing lightening show even more beautiful. Flashing streaks silhouetted the ominous clouds. I was captivated. Then I heard God's voice...
                                           I brought you up here to show you this.

I was in the midst of this storm seeing proof of a Mighty God.

Let me steer away from this story for a moment and tell you a personal story. Just like every other Believer in Christ being refined to the likeness of Christ, Bryan and I have been in and out of storms. And currently we are in a pretty tough one. God has been speaking loud and clear to us despite the raging circumstances around us.  And I am so grateful for His voice - it's the rod and staff that are comforting me in this dark valley.

So back to the flight. I started thinking about all the 'storm stories' throughout Scripture. Each one, a revelation of God's mightiness... Jonah swallowed up by a whale, after a storm directs the ship mates to toss him overboard. Noah on a massive ark filled with 2 of every kind of animal, in a storm for 40 days and nights. Peter walking on the water toward Jesus in extreme wind conditions. The disciples watching Jesus calm a raging storm with the words 'Be still.'

They were in the midst of a storm seeing proof of a Mighty God.

How about you? Are you in a stormy season weary from the winds and waves, wondering how long the rain will fall and the winds will blow? Maybe you finally took a step of faith like Peter, walking confidently toward Jesus and you began to fix your eyes on the windy circumstances around you. Suddenly you are sinking. Maybe you, like Jonah, are running from God and He is using a storm to get your full attention. Or maybe the storm you are in is just a lesson in faith - that just as those circumstances are tossing you to and fro, God is saying 'Be still and know that I am God.' (Psalm 46:10). Whatever your situation, know this: God is Mighty. His hand is Mighty. His voice is Mighty. His plans are Mighty. So look for God's Mightiness in your storm. He has great plans for you friend.

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' - Jeremiah 29:11

Bad Spot, Good God

Continually throughout Scripture we see our favorite Bible heroes getting into a bad spot. There are the folks who find themselves in a bad spot because of their faith. Like Daniel. He ends up spending a night with some hungry lions, but survives because of God's amazing goodness. And then there is Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They were put into a furnace - one that was so hot that even the guards who were in charge of making sure the prisoners were incinerated, burned up as well. And standing in the midst of the fire (literally), we actually see Jesus in the furnace with them. Oh and what about Job. He went through some seriously bad, bad spots! Why? Because God allowed the devil to sift Job. Sometimes our bad spots come from our own bad decisions. Like the woman at the well. She had been married and divorced 4 times, and her current man (number 5) wasn't even a husband. And in the midst of her bad spot, we see a picture of God's goodness. Jesus offers His healing grace to her spiritually dead heart. The Bible lists tons of examples of people in bad spots. And hands down, every time, we see God's goodness reaching out.

Child of God, have you ever found yourself in a bad spot? I'm guessing your answer is yes. We all have. Bad spots are inevitable. They come because we live in a fallen, sinful world. Sometimes bad spots are the result of persecution. Sometimes from God allowing us to be tested. Sometimes because we make dumb choices. If you answered 'Yes' to the bad spot question, I have great news for you! We serve a good God and He is right there with you in the midst of your bad spot. Your circumstances won't derail God. He is still in complete control, sitting unmoved on the throne! He is 100% aware of your struggles, persecutions and trials. In fact, we know that everything He allows is for our good (Psalm 84:11)  God is a God of grace, mercy, healing, love. He is all powerful, all knowing. He is intricately involved with every detail of your life (He even knows the number of hairs on your head!) And the amazing thing is that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)


Friends, let me share with you that I am in a bad spot right now. I am broken. My bad spot is the result of God testing my faith. And this morning as I prayed about my bad spot, God reminded me of His Truth: He is right here with me. Do you hear what I'm saying? God, Creator of the universe, Author of salvation, Perfecter of faith, Giver of Eternal Life, Calmer of Storms is right here with me... and you! Hebrews 13:5 says "...Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."


If you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then let me tell you friend that regardless of your circumstances, you are in a bad spot. You are living in a life of sin - but you don't have too. In fact, God offers a free gift of forgiveness of our sins and eternal life to everyone who asks and believes. On the left hand column of this blog are the steps you need to know to be forgiven of your sins and receive Jesus as YOUR Lord and Saviour! Scroll down to find "How To Be Saved".






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Praying For Rain

Texas has been in an extreme drought and it has not rained a drop over the last 2 months. Our poor grass is dying and my flowers are incredibly puny! Along with the weather, the Lord has been taking us through a spiritual drought. You know what I'm talking about here.... those times when we pray and seek, pray and seek, pray and seek and God remains silent. No rain, no answers. And we have needed both desperately.
Philippians 4:6-7 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Now I need to point out that my 3 oldest children have been praying continually for rain, all the while watching out the window to see if God has made the rain come. I have enjoyed watching their little faces as they enter into prayer, eyes scrunched closed, talking to Jesus.  My children have faith.  In fact I am challenged in my own faith by their faith. They ask and then wait expectantly for God to answer.

And in fact, God did answer their prayers. It started 2 days ago with a small sprinkle in our backyard. Yesterday, it rained on our drive home from the grocery store. This morning it has been gently raining and raining, rolling thunder as the backdrop to the prayer answered. And each time my kids have leapt for joy at what God has done! James 5:17 says "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops. " Verse 16 says "The effective prayer of a righteous man accomplishes much."

I have had to seriously reevaluate the amount of faith that I have in God. Along with all this praying, I have been studying Genesis 22 - the story of God's test for Abraham. Wow did Abraham have some faith! My little faith is really wrapped in the fact that I don't see God as a big God. I don't view him like my children see Him - capable of anything and everything, anytime. In my head I know He is able to do anything, but my heart struggles to believe what my head knows. And I know that my precious Father is allowing me to grow in this area! Praise God that He is always at work on me, chiseling away those rough edges around my heart and mind, making me more like Jesus...

Tuesday's Tool - NRT

Our summer has been really busy and so I apologize for not getting a tool out there over the last few Tuesdays!

The tool for the day is NRT - next right thing. Many times in my life I have found myself in the midst of a difficult, faith stretching trial. And during those tough days when my mind is fighting the urge to crumble underneath the pressure of the trial, this tool helps me plow through my daily routine without getting overwhelmed with everything that has to be accomplished - like washing a dish, folding a shirt, teaching my kids, running an errand, hugging my husband. It seems so difficult to complete simple daily tasks when the refiners fire is hot and our minds are weary and worn from the trial. Doing the next right thing infront of me helps me survive those tough days.

I survived on this tool after I had Eli. My doctor had diagnosed me with good ol' post partum depression and I was fighting to stay afloat most days. If all I had to focus on was the next right thing, I wasn't too overwhelmed with the day.

Are you in a trial right now? If so, just focus on that one thing that needs to get done next. Is it a load of laundry, a hug for your child, putting chicken in the oven, reading a bedtime story? Trials are seasonal and seasons don't last forever, so it's OK if your house isn't in tiptop shape or the pile of paperwork at the office is a mile high. Eventually it will all get done.

Peace in the Midst of Suffering...

A few weeks ago Bryan taught a Sunday School class on suffering. To me, suffering is like a raging storm, painful and difficult to navigate. It's overwhelming and consuming and feels like it's endless.  It seems to be a reoccuring theme in our lives and in the lives of the people around us. I guess it will always be, considering that it's through suffering that we become more like our precious Jesus.  And without going into all the suffering details, I will say that I had the quiet opportunity to experience the peace of my Heavenly Father in the midst of the storm.

Two days ago I got up early for a doctors appointment. I had a small window of time to get dressed and spend time with the Lord before my kids got up.  I sat down and opened my Bible to Philippians 4:4.  This passage is one of my favorites and I was grateful that Jesus led me to those scriptures so quickly. Verse 6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the PEACE of GOD, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Verse 8 goes on to give us the tools we need to keep our minds at the feet of Jesus : Think on whatever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praisworthy. 

So to get His peace, we unload/pour out our hearts and minds to God. His peace then protects our hearts and minds. And then we meditate/dwell on the characteristics that verse 8 mentions. 

I think this is the key in suffering. Pouring it out to Him. I don't do this enough and many times turn to people instead of God.  Sure that's OK sometimes, but He is my Father and Creator and knows how to meet my needs better than anyone.

As I wrapped up my quiet time, I realized that rain was gently falling. I sat in total silence and listened to that peaceful, wonderful, refreshing rain. It was the most peace that I had physically felt in a long time.

God is so good that He would provide peace in so many ways. Sure the storms are still raging, but just for a little while I sat in calm. And it was wonderful.

Refining Fire

I know God is always in the process of refininement.  James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

God almost always has us in a state of trials. I've started to learn to embrace them, as painful as they are, because it's at these times that I am crying out to God in my depravity and brokeness. And I know He is close. Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Of course He is always close to us.  But in these intense fiery trials when I feel like I can't keep going, I sense the closeness of His presence.  And I cling to Him.

And I almost dread coming out of the trial! Why? I know in "good times" it's harder for me to sit at the feet of Jesus. I fight the notion that I can do things without my Father.  I'm just being honest here. Maybe some of you do well at sitting at His feet during less trialed times. My hat is off to you for that obedience friend! But I struggle - which has turned into a trial in itself! Even as I write this, God has shown me that He allows those seemingly easier times in my life to refine me as much as He does the trialed times. I am learning that I have to fight to cling to Him when the waterhose of life's difficulties is turned off. And all this requires discipline, which is where the refining lies for me in the easy times.

Hebrews 12:5...11 My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines..." I love this next part. Verse 7 states "It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ... Skip to verse 10b "but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. (11)All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."  PRAISE GOD!