An Answered Prayer

OK, so before I tell you what it is, I have to tell you the story. I love telling stories, and sometimes I'm long winded. This is one of those times! So if you have a few minutes to spare...

Roll back 10 years ago. Bryan and I took a ministry position in Florida as houseparents. We were pregnant with our first daughter and very excited to finally step foot in ministry. What unfolded over the next year was a very difficult time for our 3 year old marriage. And when we left that ministry, a year later, our marriage was in a bad place and we were broken hearted. Ministry wasn't what it was all chalked up to be and it had about done us in! We lived with our family for a few months until we could figure out where to go and eventually landed in seminary housing with a new baby, a marriage on the rocks, me in a full time job and Bryan back in school.

Along with the emotional strain of fighting for our marriage, there was also a physical strain. I was commuting 1 1/2 hours one way to work a 12 hour shift, 3-4 days a week, then coming home, and rolling right into housewife duties. Slowly the stress began to take its toll on my body. I miscarried 2 babies in a 3 month span. Bryan was working at a restaurant making peanuts for an income. One night he said "I want you to quit your job. I've prayed about it and I think it's what's best."

So I did. Sounds crazy, yes? Most of the time God's ways don't make sense. Not only was that a huge step forward in our marriage (me trusting my husband's leadership), but it was a huge step forward in our faith.

Here's how. By being obedient to my husband's direction for us, God began to switch our roles around. Before, I was (honestly) running the show and leading our family. And Bryan was playing the submission role. Not good. What that moment did for us was pivotal. It immediately put us on the right path for our God designed places in our marriage. It also put Bryan in a place where he began to carry to full weight of providing for us. He was leading and I was his right hand woman! Slowly our marriage began healing. (This was also the time that God put me with my mentor who really began teaching me what Biblical submission looked like. This was a huge part of the healing process of our marriage.)

Bryan got another job soon after. I got pregnant again. (And again. And later, again!!!) We didn't make a whole lot of money, but we watched God provide over and over and over for all of our needs and many of our wants. Many times Bryan would be out of work on Friday and by Monday, he would have another job (he was a subcontractor). I prayed for a good, steady job with benefits. But God kept that door shut.

Then in 2009, God moved us to Texas. The home remodeling economy was dying in NC and we had to go where there was work. Bryan started his contracting business. And then began the ebb and flow of owning a business.

Friends, can I just share something with you?

The next 3 years weren't easy. Bryan's business survived on word of mouth and sometimes we would go months without work, barely making it. There were a few times where we thought we'd face homelessness. A few times where we didn't know what would happen to us. I can't tell you how many times I cried out to God "This is too painful. I don't think we can keep going on." Many times God was silent. But He always always always provided and He always always always comforted us. We were never without food, power, running water, or gas in the vehicles. We had our last baby without health insurance and somehow walked away from the hospital debt free. Many times, people gave to us: clothes, food, money. One friend treated me to a hair cut a few times. It wasn't easy accepting help. But, wow, we were so grateful for it. The reality of our lives was that we never ever knew how we would get through the next month. Bryan applied for countless jobs, went to many interviews. Sometimes it would look very promising and then would fall through. God kept saying "Hope in me." And He kept gently reminding me that whether a job ever came through, He was our provider. I wished I could say I had tons of faith. But I'd be lying.

I prayed continually for my husband to get a job (knowing that He would only give Bryan a job if it was for our best). Prayed continually. Like even at 2am, 3am. Some of you prayed too. For Christmas last year, I asked God to give him a job. "This is what I want for Christmas Lord."

...and a week ago, after many years on a difficult journey, my husband got a job.  It's a good job too and we are so thankful for it. But even more, we are beyond words thankful that God carried us through these last years of our life. Because most days, I could barely stand, much less walk. He carried us. And His grace was sufficient for us and His power was made perfect in our weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)

The chapter is closed and we have begun a new chapter - one of learning discipline in some areas we couldn't really ever be consistent (like financial planning). We are pressing onward, thanking God continually for what He has done, knowing that if Bryan ever gets injured, sick, or what not, God will take care of us. He is our hope when everything seems hopeless. And that never changes.

Prayer and Marriage

My husband and I recently celebrated 13 years of marriage. We have a good marriage. But it hasn't been easy. Infact, we fight for it daily, weekly, monthly. And as we watch divorce destroy families, knowing that nothing immunes us from the silent monster, God impresses on my heart to pray, pray, pray. I think that prayer is the single most effective tool in marriage. Yes, applying Biblical principles in marriage is incredibly important and vital to the health of a marriage. But prayer is powerful. It is our continual conversing, listening, and pouring out our hearts before the Lord that keeps our eyes, ears, minds and hearts in tune to His heartbeat.

Isn't it so profound that we get to converse with the God who created the world? This thought amazes me.

So pray.
Pray for your husband.
Pray for God to protect your marriage from enemy attacks.
Pray that you'll both have the mind of Christ.
Pray for wisdom and continual guidance.
Pray for help, because let's face it, we are helpless.
Pray Scripture. There's nothing more powerful than praying the very words God has written down for us in the Bible.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 "...pray continually..."

A Miracle Friday

I just have to share this really cool story with you. Last weekend was a non-stop weekend. Birthday parties (2 in our home), a yard sale, a busy day at church on Sunday. Needless to say, by the time the week rolled around, we were slam wiped out. By Thursday, I was under the weather, still dragging my feet, still trying to get my house cleaned, laundry done, etc, etc. On top of all that, my sweet hubby was having the never ending work week - you know the one where they work at work and they work at home? Yes, that was his week. When Bryan walked in the door, I was apologizing for the horribly messy state of our home.

Side note #1: I work hard to keep our home in order. We all function so much better (my husband LOVES a clean home), have better attitudes and are a whole lot more productive when things are tidy. Granted 6 people live here so if you were to drop in during the day, the house would be a little messy. But at the end of the day, the goal is to have everything put back in its place.

Back to the story. When I went to bed on Thursday, I declared (in my mind) that Friday would be Mission: Bryan. I would get up, run and get tires put on the van, get the van inspected, go home, put my 2 year old down for nap and begin cleaning.

Side note #2: I have 4 kids, 10 and under, 3 of which I homeschool. The reality is that Friday would probably end up being Mission: Impossible.

Nevertheless, I woke up Friday with a serious goal in mind, knowing that I may not be able to get it all done, but praying that God would work it out so I could bless my husband. And I really wanted my husband to come home to a clean house and a hot meal.

We left for the tire store early. Got tires put on the car. Got the car inspected. Grabbed a quick, surprise lunch with Bryan. By then it was an hour past Eli's nap time (not good). We got home and the weather was perfect. And here is where God did a miracle in my day.

When we drove up, all my kids got out of the car and started playing outside (unprompted...a miracle). I started the housework. No one came in for anything, not a snack, not a bandaid, not a drink of water, not a dispute between siblings (which is a miracle!). Nothing. Eli eventually came in, but he sat in his room for an hour playing cars, a whole hour! (another miracle!). He had missed his nap so I was bracing for a melt down, but it never happened (miracle)! In fact, his attitude was great! (miracle) I managed to mop and vacuum the entire house, cook dinner, do 4 loads of laundry, clean the bathrooms and all the counter surfaces, put the toys away, and do some dusting - all within a 3 1/2  hour span (miracle)! When Bryan got home, he was so excited! And I praised God for all He had allowed me to accomplish. God had orchestrated my Friday in a way that allowed me the uninterrupted time needed to complete Mission: Bryan!

Summer Highlights...Andrew's Baptism

Andrew asked Jesus to live in his heart on July 16th. So this Sunday he showed everyone what he had done through baptism! Bryan had the awesome opportunity to baptize Andrew!

After the baptism was over, Bryan and Andrew walked back up the stairs. As he was about to turn the corner, Bryan turned around and looked at me.  For a brief moment we locked eyes and smiled. I knew what he was saying to me (because it was what I was saying to him) "I love living this life with you."
Friends, I just want to say that I love my family so so much. Of course most people would say that. Here's the thing. I am overwhelmed by all that God has blessed me with. My life is rich. I am not referring to financial wealth, but the richness that only comes from God's great love for us -his wisdom, His provision, His grace, His blessings of children, His ability to turn a broken marriage into a masterpiece. If you know my story, you know that there was a time when I couldn't say that, when I wrestled with the direction that God was leading us, when I thought that God didn't have our best in mind. The heartache of a miscarried baby. The difficulty of a ministry experience turned sour. Joblessness. The unexpected move to Texas, leaving all that we knew and loved. Getting pregnant for a fourth time, unexpectedly, with no health insurance. Unanswered prayers. We have had our share of hardship and difficulties. Still do. But hear me on this: GOD has seen us through and provided everything we've needed for every step of the way.  Everything. Jesus said in John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." And that He has done for us.

A Question on Submission...

Recently I had the opportunity to co-lead a women's Bible study on the topic of submission in marriage. I love teaching on this topic because it is an area of my own life where God did some major changing. And this resulted in a love for my husband that I had never imagined possible!

My definition on submission is not the way our world defines it. It is this: "coming alongside my husband and helping him in the call that God has put on his life, all the while following his leadership."
So we were discussing submission in child rearing and this question came up:
What do I do if my husband doesn't handle the kids in a way that is honoring to God? Like what if he lets them watch a certain TV show that I don't think is OK for them to see? Or what if he curses around them?

Is it OK for us to tell our husbands every time they blow it infront of the kids? Is it within our God-given boundaries for us to remind them that they are letting some inappropriate words fly? This was an excellent question and one worth addressing both in class and here on this blog.

First up, it is NEVER NAGGING our men when we say it one time. So if your husband is cursing around your kids and you feel the need to say something, then do this first:
                    Pray about the conversation for a few days.
Queen Esther fasted for 3 days before she approached the king. It's a good rule of thumb to spend a few days in prayer. Why? Because by the time you approach your man, you will no longer be emotional and you will have put it into God's hands. Also God can be preparing your husband's heart and sometimes may change his heart before you ever bring it up!

                    Then find the best time to address him.
Don't wait until the moment he walks in the door from work. Don't discuss it infront of the kids. Don't call him while he's working and bring it up. Do wait for an opportune time when it's good for him and you to discuss the issue.

                     When you talk to him, make sure your words aren't condescending and dishonoring.
My husband hears and positively responds to even the toughest conversations that I bring up if my tone, body language and words are respectful to him.
    
                     Keep your conversation short, sweet and to the point!
Because for most men, the fewer words, the better! And I promise you, if your man knows your not going to lecture him for 2 hours, he will listen so much more!

Now once you bring it up and discuss it, the ball is in his and God's court. It is not our job to be the Holy Spirit in the matter and hear me on this, it is a lack of faith in GOD (not our man) if we continue to nag our husbands about an issue. Essentially we are saying "God, I don't think you are going to deal with him on this issue so I'm gonna bring it up over and over again until I think he's gotten it."

So what do you do if you follow all these steps and nothing changes. On the topic of inappropriate TV that the kids are viewing. Do this: set up a board game in the other room and invite the kids to come and play. Take them for a walk. Have a water balloon fight. Bake some cookies. It's not hard to engage our kids in fun activities. This guards their little eyes and ears without dishonoring your husband. On the topic of cursing infront of the kids: Here's the bottom line on this. You will do far more damage to your family by dishonoring your husband and making a spectical out of him infront of the kids, than the foul language will do to your kids. My mentor used to remind me that the main cause of teenage rebellion stems from a household where the mom is not submissive to the dad. The reason for this is that the picture of authority that our kids see the most is represented through the relationship of a mom following the authority of the dad. So be creative. Ask your husband how he wants you to handle the kids when they start repeating his foul language. Does he want you to discipline them, put them in time out, remove a toy for a few days? Let your husband know that it puts you in an awkward position to have to discipline them over something that Daddy does too. Remember, honor your husband through these questions. And by you not playing the role of the Holy Spirit on these matters, it makes tons of room for the Holy Spirit to be the Holy Spirit! And God's change in your man's heart will be far greater and better than any nagging will produce!

The point I want to hit home is this: your obedience to God's word is the most important thing; your goal as a wife is to honor your husband (or if he isn't making honorable choices, and many men don't because they are sinners too, then honor his position!) Our husband's sin/disobedience doesn't give us the ok to disobey God's Word.


One last side thought. If you find yourself struggling with the topic of submission, answer this question: Who is greater, God the Father or Jesus the Son?

Neither is greater. They are equal. But Jesus submitted himself to the will of His Father. And in the same way, husbands and wives have equal value in God's eyes. However there can only be one leader in a marriage and it is the husband that God has deemed the leader!

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body."--Ephesians 5:22-23. "But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman,
and God is the head of Christ."--1 Corinthians 11:3

Tuesday's Tool - Make Love, Not War

Today is Valentine's Day! Yes I know I'm stating the obvious here! It's also week number two in our February challenge to show love to the people closest to us. How are your quiet times going? Have you been seeking God and finding Him? I have, and it's been awesome!

Along with seeking to find Jesus, I'm adding challenge #2. Are you ready? This challenge is aimed at showing your husband that his number 1 need is your priority this week! If you're wondering if I'm talking about the 'S' word... Yes, I am! Sex. There I said it! This challenge requires that you spend this next week making opportunities to making love to your husband. I'm challenging you to carve out time for intimacy in your marriage atleast 3 times over the next week!

Hehehe. Wouldn't it be great to start your day with Jesus and end it with your hubby? Have fun... wink!

Tuesday's Tool - Found Guilty

So this week we are wrapping up part of the Finishing Faithful series by Dr. Johnny Hunt. I want to address the issue of "What do I do if I'm found guilty of adultery in my marriage?" Here are the tools from Dr. Hunt...

1. "Honest dialogue builds great strength"... being openly honest is key
2. "A good marriage is worth any amount of work you need to invest in it"...
3. "Shed the third party"...get him/her out of the picture and completely end that relationship.
4. Apology: this "is a friendship-preserver, an antidote for hatred-never a sign of weakness. It costs nothing but one's pride, always saves more than it costs, and is a device needed in every home."

I pray that these Dr. Hunt Fininshing Faithful tools have made your marriage stronger and provided necessary boundaries and safeguards. Your marriage is worth guarding and protecting, even if it's in a 'bad place.' If you need prayer for your marriage please leave me a comment or an email.

Tuesday's Tool - Adultery Proofing our Marriages

    Today we are going to look at what we can do to fight the temptation of adultery and build safeguards into our marriage. Just to remind you, this information came from a men's retreat that Bryan attended before we were married. The conference was called Finishing Faithful and was led by Dr. Johnny Hunt, the pastor of First Baptist Woodstock in Georgia.

     The first step to fighting temptation in marriage...building your marriage relationship. 1.Dialogue with your wife (spouse) daily - like when you were dating! 2. Date weekly. 3. And depart monthly, or quarterly.  I'm going to add a challenge to all you wonderful wives out there - be your husbands best friend. Do you remember when you were dating and everything you did together was fun? Continue in that attitude of light heartedness! Have a water gun fight with him in the back yard, do something that you know he loves to do and be excited about it! I will also add this - throw out the bedroom excuses. I will keep this G-rated and stop here, but you know what I mean by this!

     Next step... walk with God. The closer we are to Jesus, the more repulsed we are toward sin.

     Step three... count the cost. Adultery in marriage has incredibly damaging ripple effects. Multiple people are hurt (spouse, children, extended family), your integrity is now a thing of the past, your Christian testimony is marred, trust takes years to build back, and the list goes on and on....

    Next week we will address the subject of "what if found guilty?" I am so grateful for the wisdom Dr. Hunt  passed on into our marriage through this conference. My prayer is that this blesses your marriage as much as it has blessed mine!

Tuesday's Tool - The 12 Steps Affair Process

Yes. You heard me right. Today I want to share a tool with you that God taught Bryan and I early on in our marriage. Let me explain.
     We had only been married maybe a year or so and we were on our way to the lake for a weekend getaway with some friends.  We popped a cassette tape (remember those?) into the tape deck. The tape series was by Dr. Johnny Hunt called 'Finishing Faithful' and Bryan really wanted to listen to them. As we listened to the messages, Dr. Hunt began to discuss how to lead your marriage into a divorce. He was teaching on how to divorce proof your marriage by making aware the steps that we often fall into without even noticing the slow fade. As we listened on, we were both heavily convicted - we were both at stage three and had no idea that we were only nine steps away from ending our brand new marriage.
     That's what I want to share with you today. Here they are...
1.  Readiness - being ripe for an affair. All the circumstances have made you ripe for the picking. 2 Samuel 11:1-2, 1 Kings 15:5
2.  Alertness - A growing awareness of a particular person (1.thinking, 2.fantasizing, 3.dreaming)
3.  Innocent Meeting - This is the stage where some flirtation can develop.
4.  Intentional Meeting - At this point, the person enters a real danger zone.
5.  Public Lingering - There is a growing interest in each other
6.  Private Lingering - There is now a growing excitement in being together alone.
7.  Purposeful Isolating - They plan time alone for "legitimate" purposes. At home there is a decrease in verbal and noverbal communication. The spouse spends all their time at work. If a man would rather work than be at home, there is something wrong.
8.  Pleasurable Isolation - Relationship takes on a youthful aroma. We don't need friends of the opposite sex!
9.  Affectionate Embracing - Secret longings for each other become intense. Increased physical contact with the person, decreased physical contact with the spouse.
10. Passionate Embracing - Rationalization... It is OK to them because their spouse no longer makes them feel this way. This is never ever an adequate excuse for sin.
11. Capitulation - They give in to sexual intercourse.
12. Acceptance - Mutual choice; the spouse is almost always aware by this time.

Pretty scary isn't it? The road to sin is a slow fade. The following two Tuesdays we will address what we can do to fight the temptation and what we can do if found guilty!

"Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death."  James 1:13-15

Tuesday's Tool - God's Intention for Eve...and Us

Proverbs 31:12 says, "She does him good and not evil All the days of her life."  This verse is referring to a wife/husband relationship. As wives, what are our intentions toward our husbands? We either have an agenda to do good or to do evil. So let's look at the first woman God ever created... Eve.  When God created Eve, He created her from Adam's rib. She was created for Adam's good: to give him fellowship and companionship and to be a help meet (which literally means "a help answering to him." -(Wycliffe Bible Commentary)) She would share his responsibilities in the Garden, respond to his nature with love and understanding AND co-operate with him in living and working out God's plan. (WBC) In other words, she completed him! Adam could now experience the joy of a family relationship. 

BUT we all know how this story ends up. Sadly Eve gets "knowledge greed" and decides that the best thing is to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Bummer. Then, not only does she blow it, but then she tempts her husband (does him evil) and the result is catastrophic... sin now has entered the world.

Oh I'm so glad I'm not like Eve ... but wait ... I am! I started thinking about my intentions toward my husband. Do I do good and not evil ALL the days of my life toward my husband? Do I speak words of life to him, words of encouragement? Do I serve him, find ways to help him and take a load off of him? Do I meet his love language? Or do I slander my husband infront of people OR behind the scenes? Do I focus on my own selfish desires instead of his? Do I pursue my own agenda instead of supporting his? Do I tempt him with gossip and plant seeds of bitterness in his heart? Do I gripe at him when he makes a decision? Evil may seem like a strong word, but simply put, it's the opposite of good. And that's your measuring stick - if you are not doing good toward your husband, then you are doing evil. Period.

Let's purpose in our hearts to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Let's purpose to do good and not evil to our precious husbands whom God has allowed us to come alongside them and be a help meet.  Will we blow it? Yes. If Eve did, we surely will.  But we get up and press on in the grace of God...