And God knows this.
He knows that I begin to rely on myself, my own strengths (which aren't really strengths at all).
And so He consistently allows circumstances into my little life that keep me in an up-and-down pace through the night.
This past week ALL my kids got the throw-up bug (while we were on vacation). I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning. Whatever it was, they seemed to get sicker during the night. Oh how the sound of wretching and then splatter really gets my adrenaline going at 2 am! (Sorry if your eating while you're reading this...)
A week later, they are getting better. But even little Eli was up crying last night, off and on for an hour. So at 3am I was good and awake. And as I was lying in bed listening to him fuss, my tired brain started replaying a continual feed of things I could have done better during the day. Finally Eli stopped crying, but my mind was having a war.
I cried out, "Lord, please help me go to sleep. I need to get some rest." Honestly friends, it was difficult to pray this simple prayer because my mind was so overwhelmed.
And God, in His amazing ways, helped me find closure to those situations; helped me to take my thoughts captive at the 4 am hour. And then He took me to a peaceful thought, where I was able to drift back off to sleep.
I'm not going to lie. I'm really tired. And today will be another day of practicing taking my thoughts captive and wrangling my wild emotions, (which get wilder the more tired I am). But I know that my Father, only doing what is best for me, knows that I need to camp out here if I'm going to rely on His strength and grace to be sufficient for me.
Despite having sick kids, we had some great times at the beach!
|Eli was very uncertain of the gigantic ocean!|