Lately my attitude has really stunk. I have been selfish, prideful, ungrateful, argumentative, gripey at my kids, complaining. I have had a rebellious heart. I have blamed everyone else for my sin issues. I have watered down and rationalized my sin and it has been festering and stinking. Humph!
This is such a snapshot into this past week for me. And all that I just wrote is utterly true, unfortunately. This week I acted like a brat before God. I refused to sit down and spend some time with him. I refused to bring my stinky bag of sin to His forgiving hands. I refused to walk in the freedom and grace for which He sacrificed and paid the price. And as I drove home from an errand run, with my kids being louder than normal in the back seat, overwhelmed by my stinky thoughtlife and attitude, it happened. It seems I was so distracted by my poopy thoughts that I failed to notice the small vehicle behind me. And as I realized that I had pulled too far into the intersection, I backed up without checking my mirrors. BUMP. Great. What will my husband think. I pulled off to the side of the road. Got out of the car. Checked to see if the driver was ok. It was a young, 20 something girl and she was (thankfully) ok. I quickly eyed her front bumper where a very obvious piece was missing. She explained that there was no need to exchange insurance information - her bumper was already damaged and she was fine. I thanked her and got back into my car. With hands shaking, I was having trouble processing what had just happened. She had given me an extreme amount of grace. GOD had given me an extreme amount of grace.
Later I spent some much needed time with my Savior. I confessed all my sin to Him and told Him all my struggles. I was so thankful for that minor car accident - it was what God used to draw me back to him. And I heard Him speak so clearly to me. "If you didn't live your life for Me it would be so much more unfathomably difficult. And if you chose to walk the path of deliberate sin, it would be so much more difficult."
I am eternally grateful to my precious Jesus for this freedom that I am able to walk. I am ashamed that many times I take it for granted. Sometimes I yell 'crucify him' and I spit in His face. But Praise God that Jesus' forgiveness is eternally sealed by His death and resurrection. Our sin didn't derail Him - doesn't derail Him. He has defeated it and we are healed! Isaiah 53:5b..."the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his woulds we are healed."