Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Tuesday's Tool - The 12 Steps Affair Process
We had only been married maybe a year or so and we were on our way to the lake for a weekend getaway with some friends. We popped a cassette tape (remember those?) into the tape deck. The tape series was by Dr. Johnny Hunt called 'Finishing Faithful' and Bryan really wanted to listen to them. As we listened to the messages, Dr. Hunt began to discuss how to lead your marriage into a divorce. He was teaching on how to divorce proof your marriage by making aware the steps that we often fall into without even noticing the slow fade. As we listened on, we were both heavily convicted - we were both at stage three and had no idea that we were only nine steps away from ending our brand new marriage.
That's what I want to share with you today. Here they are...
1. Readiness - being ripe for an affair. All the circumstances have made you ripe for the picking. 2 Samuel 11:1-2, 1 Kings 15:5
2. Alertness - A growing awareness of a particular person (1.thinking, 2.fantasizing, 3.dreaming)
3. Innocent Meeting - This is the stage where some flirtation can develop.
4. Intentional Meeting - At this point, the person enters a real danger zone.
5. Public Lingering - There is a growing interest in each other
6. Private Lingering - There is now a growing excitement in being together alone.
7. Purposeful Isolating - They plan time alone for "legitimate" purposes. At home there is a decrease in verbal and noverbal communication. The spouse spends all their time at work. If a man would rather work than be at home, there is something wrong.
8. Pleasurable Isolation - Relationship takes on a youthful aroma. We don't need friends of the opposite sex!
9. Affectionate Embracing - Secret longings for each other become intense. Increased physical contact with the person, decreased physical contact with the spouse.
10. Passionate Embracing - Rationalization... It is OK to them because their spouse no longer makes them feel this way. This is never ever an adequate excuse for sin.
11. Capitulation - They give in to sexual intercourse.
12. Acceptance - Mutual choice; the spouse is almost always aware by this time.
Pretty scary isn't it? The road to sin is a slow fade. The following two Tuesdays we will address what we can do to fight the temptation and what we can do if found guilty!
"Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death." James 1:13-15